Not my happy ever after, but I have a happy heart

(Originally written: September 17, 2017)

This is the part two of My Third relationship only lasts for less than a week.

 

How many days was that oh! Five days. Days passed, still no SMS from him.

Here come the days to practice for our graduation march. At first, our practice ground is at our school ground where everyone in our batch is present. At first, he will just look at me then I’ll look away. Then it went on for the whole period. And I ended up responding at his looks with a smile.  I gave up, who would not.

Then after two days, the venue for our practice is at the actual gymnasium where our graduation will happen. The first to enter the gym were the boys in alphabetical order based on the surname. Then the girls still based on the surname.

First rehearsal, he’ll just pass with the look again. Then, he’ll smile and of course I smiled back. Then, he’ll extend his arms and poke me as he passed where I was standing. And it flutters my heart. He even would talk to me with his brows and smile. He did it thrice in a row. And of course, most of the people around me will give me looks that made me felt the judgement they had in mind. It really didn’t matter at that time. We had our own world at that time. Then after the rehearsal, he SMS me. The conversation starts again. I can’t remember if the other girl was mention at that time. Or it was mention and told me that they ended it. And I just believed him with no question.

Fast forward, graduation day. Everyone came. My parents and the parents of our batchmates. While we were at the line, he already called my attention and pointed at her mother. As soon as after the guest speaker spoke he SMS me at picked me where I was sitting. And brought me to his mom and introduce me. Yes! My heart flutters again. He is good at that. We did not return to where I was sitting instead I sat behind her mom on a table and he was there standing beside me. He holds my hand and kissed it. It was the sweetest thing to do. It felt like I have a long hair. Gandang ganda ako sa sarili ko bes!.  

At the night of the graduation, everyone celebrated. I was invited by my classmate at their house to celebrate. Of course, I went. Little did know that the friends of G was present, but is not there. He is with his other friends. He was already drunk when I SMS him. I told him to go where I was for him to stop drinking. I threatened him if he’ll not go I’ll drink. And he still did not. I kept my words. His friends offered me drinks, at first I declined but give in at the end. That was my first glass of beer. My parents fetched me as 7:30 pm ticked. I can’t remember if we have SMS after that. Maybe not.

Fast forward: First-year college. One day I SMS him, I got no response. I was still SMS’ing his number that he used when we’re together.

Fast forward: Second-year college. I have his new number from somewhere, I can’t really remember. I SMS him and asked him if how he is. He responded. He said he’s Okay. I asked him if we can still be back again. But he turned me down. I was in Zamboanga City, he was in Cebu. It will be an LDR if it pursues. Fast forward: Fifth-year college. We had our school tour at Cebu. I PM him at Facebook if we can meet. It is because inside me is still hoping that we can be together. Still, refuses to meet me. Gave a lot of reasons. I kept on convincing him to meet me anyway. In the end, I accepted the fact that, that was it.

Every ending can be sad or happy. But on my part I was happy. We may not be together now. But my heart still remembers that once in my life my heart flutters. I did not regret anything that happens. I grow. I learned. And those are the things that make me happy every time I remember those days. I am not bitter, because I know one day it will make sense. Not everything is meant to be understood but to be felt.

I don’t want to hate him. I am just thankful he let me feel those things. Because the time I hate him, it means that wasted my life for something useless. I don’t want to live based on hatred. And I know he is living his life now happily. He has a son now. He has a beautiful girlfriend. And I want him to be happy. Even though it is not with me.

It is almost a decade now, and haven’t found my fourth boyfriend yet. Don’t feel sorry because I am not. I may still be scared to fell in love again. But everything has its own right time. Let’s not rush things.

Shella is a corporate employee who is also a solo traveller. Her goal is to travel long term without giving up my career goal. She loves culture and food. And also she has a lot of goals in life, this blog will be her way of documenting her journey.